Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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