Kiss
Puke
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
