I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize