it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
