yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
