Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
