I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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