I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize