It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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