I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize