New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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