we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
