i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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