took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
