It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Mom said you looked used
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
