Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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