im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
and you fell through a lawn chair
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
