counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
