Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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