So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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