sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
