i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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