First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
