I bet he comes in French.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
