Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
