just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You can't special order awesome
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
