my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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