Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
