i already hear my dad disowning me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sext me about skeletons
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
