guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
