I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I enjoy the company of your penis
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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