You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
