so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
