it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm passing your future prison.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
