If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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