I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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