I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I want to be your penis for a week.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
