Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
