guys are only as good as the porn they watch
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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