Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize