i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
