What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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