Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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