I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
