everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
