You're my little dorito
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
