Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
