just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
