just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This baby is an asshole
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
this is an emotional support booty call
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
