if you like me you must not know who I am
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
