I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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