I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
