3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
