I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
