just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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