i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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