you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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