My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
