brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
