Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
