Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
