I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
