In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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