I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
