do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Farmville is her only friend.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
